Things happen for a reason

I've always heard things happen for a reason and that God does things in His own time.

I've heard things like "things will get better because they have to" and "there's only one way to go when you're at rock bottom."

It's the trying times that have us looking to our faith and when things are going good we often forget to say thank you to our maker for the day's blessings.

I can't say that my faith is strong right now. I know I've made mistakes and I'll take responsibility for them. My heart is struggling to breathe right now from the stress I'm under because of a situation I'm in. I ask all of you to pray for me and keep me in your thoughts as I go through this roller coaster of emotions and situations before me.

I'm going to use the opportunities before me to do a few things I need to do and a few things I have wanted to finish for a long time.

I am going to finish my book and read more. I'm going to go see some old friends and maybe make some new ones. I'm going to love somebody with all my heart even if they never love me back. I'm going to be the kind of person that has a big heart and does things to make others feel good. (If you know me, you know that's who I've always striven to be.)

Since the reunion has been canceled for now, I will still be going home for homecoming. I know home's only a 30 minute drive away, but sometimes to me it seems so far away. I know if I ever decide to move away from here I will miss it more than words can ever express. But maybe it's past time for me to move on and I can actually open my eyes to see it now.

Going home...and family reunions

My favorite definition of home is the following: any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home.

I've been thinking about home more often lately because of Opp Fest and Absolutely Andalusia Homecoming next month. My family tries to have a reunion once a year - and sometimes it happens and others it doesn't. This year's reunion is centered around Andalusia's homecoming and the homecoming at our church - Mobley Creek.

I always enjoy seeing faces I haven't seen in months or sometimes years. The excitement of seeing the people I remember from Thanksgiving reunions many years ago makes me long for those days again.

When we can get together and eat and sing a few old hymns, we truly know we've all come home. My family is my refuge and my home.

The Wards - my mom's side of the family - have always been supportive and strong in their faith. My great granddaddy, Bill Ward was a baptist preacher and a farmer. Even though I never got to meet him, I feel as though I know him because of my Uncle Donald and stories I've heard about him from other uncles.

I'm always thankful that my family keeps growing and yet through technology we somehow keep up with each other.

I have so many fond memories of reunions in the past.

Thanksgiving morning I'd wake up early and watch the Macy's parade before Mom and Uncle Clyde decided it was time to head up the road to Aunt Vivian and Uncle William's house. The kids played football or tag or some other country game that didn't require a tv. We played in the dirt. We hid behind our mother's legs or behind trees or bushes in the yard.

The food was the best part! Everyone brought their favorite dishes and the men brought tables and chairs from the church for everyone. The eating would start about noon and the visiting would go on all afternoon - probably because there was lots of catching up to do and us kids didn't want to go home!

There are so many of our family that aren't with us anymore and not a day goes by that I don't remember one of them.

But we carry on and come home to Mobley Creek to see each other when we can.

November 13, 2010 we will have our next reunion. I'm already excited to see everyone and take pictures.

I know that going home for that weekend will truly make me feel like I belong somewhere.

Hurt

Sometimes I wonder why I feel the things I do. Sometimes I wonder why I can't see the hurt before it becomes too strong. Sometimes I wonder why I keep making mistakes and picking myself up. Sometimes I wonder why I can be so talented and still have nothing to show for it.

I've pondered and thought and wished and hoped for so long. And now I've finally come to the realization that what was never mine to begin with will never be mine anyway.

The things I want and things I need mean nothing. So I sit alone because I am alone – except for my God who sits with me.

When my tears fall and my heart breaks, I feel the angel wings brush my face. My tears are wiped from my eyes and I feel peace from the pain that wars inside.

I know I’ll never be everything I want to be. I know I’ll never be the one someone needs. I wish there were words that could say all I need to say.

Here’s a song that might do just as well:

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to do

Ooohhh....