My, how things change in 3 years...

The past three years haven't flown by, but the past year has. I've experienced love and loss all in a year. But this time it's different. I've found my soul mate finally and married him on April 4, 2015.

I'm so thankful that the Lord saw fit to bring him into my life when I needed him. I have been through so much with Chuck in the past year that we've known each other. He's been with me through all of it, holding my hand. They say that true love hits you in the face, but I know that isn't true in my case. It grows from like to love over the course of many conversations and actions. Sometimes I wonder how I could ever find a man as wonderful as Chuck to love me and all of my faults. But I know it was God who led us to each other. He knew I needed Chuck and that Chuck needed me. I'm beyond blessed.

In December, we lost my Uncle Robert, who was very dear to me. I know I didn't always tell him that I loved and appreciated him, but I know he knew.

He was the head of our family - the one who prayed for you and treated you like an adult. He told the best stories about his life and I was blessed to hear his stories. I even have a recording of him telling me stories about his life on my old interview recorder that I need to get transferred over to a CD. My Uncle Robert encouraged me to sing and he taught me so much about God's word. I'll never forget him calling me Hadassah, which is Jewish for Esther. He was a wonderful man and he blessed so many people in his life. He brought so many people to know God and I know that I was beyond blessed to have him in my life as a father figure.

Even four months later, when I go to church, I see him in my mind leading the singing and hearing his tenor voice blend with the choir. I hear him singing with me "I Have Found a Hiding Place." I will never forget the special moments we shared singing in church.

Even though I have worries right now, I'm really a blessed girl to have such a wonderful family. And my new extended family is wonderful too. They have accepted me into their homes and hearts as one of their own and I am truly thankful and wonderfully blessed to be a part of their lives and family.

Thinking of the past

Lately, I have been thinking more and more about my years at LBWCC. I know I shouldn't, but I love the memories I have of my two years there. I met so many wonderful people at LBW. Hannah, Jeremy, Chris, Eric and so many more. I had wonderful teachers, like Doc and Mrs. Franklin. I couldn't have asked for anything more out of my junior college. I'm proud to have my two-year degree from LBW and I'm glad that I stayed home for the first two years of my college time.

I had some wonderful classes - my creative writing class was definitely one of my favorites. I guess that's because I love writing so much! I hardly ever got good grades in English even though it has become my favorite subject over the years. I know how to write a sentence and make it bleed into the hearts of my readers - or at least I hope I do.

I have thought about my writing and how I express my emotions when I write. I have thought about the past and about everything I need to leave there. I have let go of so much, but a few things still remain. I hold onto what I love with a fierceness I can't comprehend. I push people away when they get close to me because I've lost so many people. I am who I am because of my past and I wonder if I can ever be who I want to be. I don't even really know who I want to be.

You know they ask you when you're in school what you want to be when you grow up. I don't even remember what I said at each stage in my life. I might have said nurse or doctor or lawyer. I don't know. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was going into LBWCC, but I quickly dismissed that and was led by my wonderful adviser,the late Dr. Mike Daniel to journalism. I wouldn't have gone to Troy University and finished my degree if it wasn't for his wonderful guidance.

I've always been told to do something you love, but how can you possibly make a living writing? Sure, I know tons of people who write for a living in some form or another, but they don't make the big bucks. My dream job would be writing for a TV show like "The Vampire Diaries." What good are dreams like that if I can't get a break? Yes, my book will be published in the next few months, I hope. But at 32, I don't see my dreams coming true anymore. Yes, my book coming out is a HUGE dream come true, but it's not everything I wanted.

I guess I will always want more. I've always wanted more in relationships. I've always wanted my own knight in shining armor and my prince. But I know fairytales don't come true. I wonder if I will ever have a happy ending.

Love...regrets...loss

Love. What does loving someone mean? I have felt it for many people over the course of my life, but I wonder if I will ever have someone feel the same type of love for me that I feel for them.

Over the past 15 years, I have loved many men. All of them will hold a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that only two have really remained in my heart for a long time. I know the one who will always be in my heart - the one that I will always love because he was the first guy I ever fell completely in love with.

As the story goes, he broke my heart simply because he didn't feel the same way about me. Because of the special memories and the amazing things he did for me, I know I will always love him. Whenever I needed a friend, he was there for me. He made me laugh like no one else ever has. He stood by me when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he helped me get through the loss of my favorite uncle. He wrote me a poem using the letters of my name. He gave me a flowering plant to show me how much he cared. Even though I no longer have the plant, I have a picture to remind me that he did care even though it wasn't in the way I wanted.

This boy was my best friend, he was my comfort and I wish that I could get that back. Some things aren't meant to be, I guess. Maybe I hurt him too. I don't know, but I can imagine I did. He hurt me more than anyone, but I still loved him - and I still do.

The other boy will have a special place in my heart, but I don't feel for him as I once did. He is a special friend to me, but that is all I feel for him now. I guess I'm numb after all I was put through with him.

I have regrets with the first boy I ever loved completely. I regret that I didn't remain in his life and that I couldn't get get past the hurt he caused me to stay friends with him. I'm sure if he's reading this, he knows this is about him.

Love is something I can feel completely. I love my friends and family more than words can say. I love the people who have always been there for me and loved me for who I am. These are the people who have made me what I am today.

Falling in love is wonderful, but it's horrible when it ends. I hope that one day I will find a man who will fall for me in return. I know I deserve the best, but I'm wondering if the best will ever come along. I can only wait and see what the future holds for me. I'm hoping love is part of what makes this year a great one.

Dreams do come true...I hope!

Ever since I first read Anne Rice's "Interview with the Vampire" and saw the movie in 1995, I have wanted to be a writer. I guess you can say it is my dream job. Right now, I'm following that dream and I'm excited and yet scared of where it might lead. I don't know if I will get published and I don't know if I will have enough money to get me where I'm going, but I have to have faith that good things will happen for me.

With the love and support of my friends, I have reached out to do what I have been dreaming of since I was 15. I have sent letters and queries to several publishers with hopes to get my series started. I have always dreamed of meeting new people and meeting the people that have inspired me to write.

During the recent JAA banquet for the Hall School of Journalism at Troy University, I met some lovely people and saw some of my fellow journalists recognized for their achievements. I am proud to have completed my degree at Troy.  I was able to see some of the professors I enjoyed while I was there and I even got to catch up with a few old friends. I am rooting for the Master's program for this fall. I would love to get a Master's in Communication, though what I will do with it is a huge question right now. I know Troy will be a better university if the program does get picked up this fall. I would be proud to be one of the first graduates of the Master's in Communication program.

As with everything, there are trials and tribulations, but we grow stronger with each twist and turn. We can expect things to get better for us after all of the unhappy times and the lows that have held us down. We want to know that our dreams and hopes are not stupid and can be achieved. We struggle on to a better tomorrow and hope that when things do start turning around, they really do make us happy.

Right now, I can honestly say that I am happy - as much as I can be without a job and money. I am following my dream - the one I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. I am going to be an author! I am going to finish Christian's story and make everyone love him as much as I do. (And yes, folks, this Christian was named WAY before I even met Christian Kane!)

I want to finish all the things I've never had time for in the past year. I want to catch up with old friends and make a bunch of new ones. I want to love someone this year like I have never loved before. If I get my heart broken, that's all part of the process. I just want to feel and write and make more of my life. I want to dream about all the things that I wish would come true for me.

Most of all, I want all of you that read this to continue to pray for me. I love each one of you and I wish for you the best that life can bring.

Happy 2011!

Looking back over the past few entries, I know that 2011 has got to have better things in store for me.

A job. A new love. A book deal. New friends. A better life.

Those are just a few things I want right now. I still can't get Jason out of my head. I miss him very much and without my phone, I can't even let him know that. I know I don't need to bother with him anymore after all the hurt he's put me through. It's a burned bridge I need to leave alone.

The highlight of my 2010 was definitely meeting Christian Kane. I know that's an experience I'll always treasure and I look forward to hearing him sing live sometime in the future.

Another highlight was interviewing Anna Garrott. Anna is a very talented woman from Troy that I'd never met before, but I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her on the phone for the interview. I just wish I'd gotten to meet her in person.

I look back on my time as a reporter at both county newspapers and I can say I've gotten to interview some pretty amazing people. But I think I will always be fond of the interview I had with my Uncle Donald and the article I got to write about him.

I still have the information from my interview with my Uncle Robert that I want to turn into an article or story. Just the stories are enough for a great tale. I'll be sure to share it here with everyone when I finish it.

I currently have six people reading my book and none of them has finished. I added another to the list last night because I know she'll do her best to read it. I need some serious opinions other than from one single person, who LOVED it. It's almost wrapped up but not quite and it needs a serious edit to make sure I haven't screwed up the timeline or any details.

I'm making notes on a short story that I'm working on. It started out with a crazy idea and kept building from there. It's a cowboy story. Not something I normally write but something I felt compelled to write because of Christian Kane's music.

I foresee a lot of personal writing in 2011 and hopefully a new beginning that will bring me some long awaited happiness.

I didn't have too many views on some of my 2010 blogs so I'll only do a top 5. Here they are:

5. Remembering mom's favorite things

4. Hurt

3. Things happen for a reason

2. The hurt that mixes with pain

1. Former teacher touched lives at Pleasant Home

Moving on from dream to reality

I'm trying very hard to be strong and keep a good head on my shoulders. And right now, being around people who care is an important part of getting through this hard time.

I have some wonderful friends and people who care about me and I'm so thankful for them in my life. Without them I'd have no one and I'd be all alone.

Sometimes I feel all alone in a crowded room, but that's just because I've lost everyone I've ever cared about - mostly family. I've lost one of my best friends, a guy who I thought would always be there for me. Turns out that his "old and grey" story was short lived. People change because of how you treat them and sometimes they can't change back to who they were when you met them.


The highlight in all of this mess is that I got to meet my favorite man in the entire world, Christian Kane. I met him could not find a single word to say that didn't sound completely stupid. I've always been like that when I've tried to talk to someone I had a huge crush on. I keep wondering what would have happened if I'd had the courage to do what I wanted. I have a lot of whatifs in my life. And I know I won't live this one down. But at least I got a picture with him. I'm really proud of it and that I got his autograph too. I know if I had a second chance to do it all again I would probably be the same way. Wish I'd had more of my girls with me to push me to do what I should have done. But it's okay. Hopefully one day I will get my chance again and I won't be a chicken. But I guess it was having built him up to be my perfect idea of Mr. Right that kept me from talking to him. I know if I could pick one person to be my Mr. Perfect, my knight in shining armor, my soulmate, it would be Christian.

I have so many dreams and hopes and wishes for my life. Mostly I wish to find true love and have my name on a book cover one day. I keep dreaming even though I know my dreams seem so far away from me right now.

After having lost Jason, I feel like I might never be whole again, but I know I will be. I've been through this before with him and with someone else whom I still see in this town. I hate having to be in this town knowing they can be happy without me in their lives. But one day I'll be happy without them too. I just have to find it or let it find me.

Fairytales and Castles by Lifehouse is one of my favorite songs. I guess I still hope that one day I'll get a happy ending of some sort.

Fairytales and Castles
by Lifehouse

He says he looks in the mirror
And he can't tell anymore
Who he really is and who they believe him to be
And he says he walks a thin line
Between what is and what could be
He's getting closer
To something he can't understand

Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it's a long way down

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

He says his head is filled with
Cartoons and fairy tales
And he's trapped inside a dungeon of dolls
With smiles on their faces
He's built a pretty cage
His shows on a beautiful stage
With candy coated prison bars
And chains that look like jewelry

Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it's a long way down

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

Cause he lives inside
A fairy tale sand castle now
And there's room inside
For false expectations and illusions

Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it's a long way down

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

The hurt that mixes with pain

Author's note: I wrote this Thursday night before everything fell completely apart. The girl in the story is me and the guy - well let's just say he's someone I should have forgotten a long time ago. This isn't the first time he's hurt me. It's just the last time I'm letting him. He hurt me by doing the one thing I feared most: him getting back with his ex. He said he loved me more than as a friend and that if he wanted a relationship it would be with me. This was four months ago and now he's gone and completely ripped my world apart. He hasn't stood by me and he hasn't been there when I've needed him. He's gone and I want to die. He told me he would rather die old and alone than to be without me to keep him sane. Well I guess that's just another broken promise to add to all the others he's made to me. So here's the story of my hurt...

He wasn't what she wanted, but he was what she had and what she thought she deserved.

He wasn't gorgeous, but his eyes were the oddest shade of blue mixed with green she'd ever seen. Just looking at him when he wasn't looking at her made her heart skip a beat.

She loved him but he didn't love her. He said he thought he loved her more than a friend twice in the nine years they had known each other. Both times he was jealous of someone else in her life. And now she was alone waiting on him to come home to a house they shared together.

Sometimes she thought she was loosing the will to live and sometimes she cried when he wasn't there. She sometimes cried when he was there but he didn't notice. And it was probably because he didn't really care.

She stared at the computer screen, wondering what to write as an episode of Dawson's Creek played on the TV. She wondered where he was, what he was doing, who he was with.

It didn't really matter she guessed, taking a puff of her cigarette and a drink of her Diet Coke. She put on her reading glasses and stared at the computer screen again. The blinking curser mocked her.

She wanted to be a writer. She wanted to have a love that could last past the three month mark. She wanted some life experiences to give her the guts to follow her heart and fall in love with someone who could potentially be her soul mate.

But there was him. And he was her world. He had been for the past nine years and he always would be. In the back of her mind she always thought of him and how he'd been her second love – the one who'd brought her out of her shell even though he had his own problems.

He'd made her into what she was, but he wasn't what she needed. She needed someone who wanted to come home to her and someone who wanted to hold her at night. Someone who would curl up with her and watch silly shows like Friends or Dawson's Creek. Someone who would look at her and love her for who she was.

He couldn't do that. He'd never really done that more than a handful of times. And since they'd lived together they hadn't slept in the same bed more than two times.

Her life revolved around him. She loved him so much that she didn't want to think of finding someone else. But times were changing. He was changing and so was she. They hardly talked. They hadn't kissed in ages and she couldn't remember what his touch felt like.

She just wanted him to love her and she knew he never would – not like she wanted or deserved.

She took off her glasses and rubbed her face. She was at a loss for more words to say everything she was feeling. She hurt – inside and out. She ached for someone to understand and for someone to want her like she wanted him.

The dialogue on the TV screen made her pause. Faith. Would you take a big leap of faith for someone you really loved or would you sit there and wait for them to take the leap themselves.

Do first loves ever really go away? Does the hurt die when you want to die too? Or does the feeling live forever in your heart until you give up on it?

When do you give up on someone? Do you just look in the mirror one day and not recognize the person you've become or the person they've become?

Do you give up when you feel you've lost everything? Do you cry a little and scream inside your head that you're letting him go?

The only thing she can think of is leaving and never coming back. She feels like her life makes no sense and that she could walk out on him and he wouldn't care if she ever came back.

She could give up nine years of knowing him and let him go. But she can't. So here she is. Stuck until she has the will to walk away and forget him.

She tries to hold the tears inside because of him. He's here. We talk but it's about nothing.

****

We hide the way we feel. I hide the hurt deep inside behind the mask I put on.

The episode on the TV now hits close to home and makes me want to cry, but I hold it deep inside.

It's time to close. It's time to move on and begin a new chapter in my life.

Things happen for a reason

I've always heard things happen for a reason and that God does things in His own time.

I've heard things like "things will get better because they have to" and "there's only one way to go when you're at rock bottom."

It's the trying times that have us looking to our faith and when things are going good we often forget to say thank you to our maker for the day's blessings.

I can't say that my faith is strong right now. I know I've made mistakes and I'll take responsibility for them. My heart is struggling to breathe right now from the stress I'm under because of a situation I'm in. I ask all of you to pray for me and keep me in your thoughts as I go through this roller coaster of emotions and situations before me.

I'm going to use the opportunities before me to do a few things I need to do and a few things I have wanted to finish for a long time.

I am going to finish my book and read more. I'm going to go see some old friends and maybe make some new ones. I'm going to love somebody with all my heart even if they never love me back. I'm going to be the kind of person that has a big heart and does things to make others feel good. (If you know me, you know that's who I've always striven to be.)

Since the reunion has been canceled for now, I will still be going home for homecoming. I know home's only a 30 minute drive away, but sometimes to me it seems so far away. I know if I ever decide to move away from here I will miss it more than words can ever express. But maybe it's past time for me to move on and I can actually open my eyes to see it now.

Going home...and family reunions

My favorite definition of home is the following: any place of residence or refuge: a heavenly home.

I've been thinking about home more often lately because of Opp Fest and Absolutely Andalusia Homecoming next month. My family tries to have a reunion once a year - and sometimes it happens and others it doesn't. This year's reunion is centered around Andalusia's homecoming and the homecoming at our church - Mobley Creek.

I always enjoy seeing faces I haven't seen in months or sometimes years. The excitement of seeing the people I remember from Thanksgiving reunions many years ago makes me long for those days again.

When we can get together and eat and sing a few old hymns, we truly know we've all come home. My family is my refuge and my home.

The Wards - my mom's side of the family - have always been supportive and strong in their faith. My great granddaddy, Bill Ward was a baptist preacher and a farmer. Even though I never got to meet him, I feel as though I know him because of my Uncle Donald and stories I've heard about him from other uncles.

I'm always thankful that my family keeps growing and yet through technology we somehow keep up with each other.

I have so many fond memories of reunions in the past.

Thanksgiving morning I'd wake up early and watch the Macy's parade before Mom and Uncle Clyde decided it was time to head up the road to Aunt Vivian and Uncle William's house. The kids played football or tag or some other country game that didn't require a tv. We played in the dirt. We hid behind our mother's legs or behind trees or bushes in the yard.

The food was the best part! Everyone brought their favorite dishes and the men brought tables and chairs from the church for everyone. The eating would start about noon and the visiting would go on all afternoon - probably because there was lots of catching up to do and us kids didn't want to go home!

There are so many of our family that aren't with us anymore and not a day goes by that I don't remember one of them.

But we carry on and come home to Mobley Creek to see each other when we can.

November 13, 2010 we will have our next reunion. I'm already excited to see everyone and take pictures.

I know that going home for that weekend will truly make me feel like I belong somewhere.

Hurt

Sometimes I wonder why I feel the things I do. Sometimes I wonder why I can't see the hurt before it becomes too strong. Sometimes I wonder why I keep making mistakes and picking myself up. Sometimes I wonder why I can be so talented and still have nothing to show for it.

I've pondered and thought and wished and hoped for so long. And now I've finally come to the realization that what was never mine to begin with will never be mine anyway.

The things I want and things I need mean nothing. So I sit alone because I am alone – except for my God who sits with me.

When my tears fall and my heart breaks, I feel the angel wings brush my face. My tears are wiped from my eyes and I feel peace from the pain that wars inside.

I know I’ll never be everything I want to be. I know I’ll never be the one someone needs. I wish there were words that could say all I need to say.

Here’s a song that might do just as well:

What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying to do

Ooohhh....

Former teacher touched lives at Pleasant Home

Note: This article will appear in the Thursday, Sept. 2 edition of The Opp News.

The sound of Mamie Wahl’s booming voice and infectious laughter is something I’ll always remember.

Wahl was a sixth grade teacher at Pleasant Home School who taught high school chorus while I was in school. This tough lady went through a kidney transplant and a heart attack and still returned to teaching after each health scare.

Wahl passed away Thursday, Aug. 26 at the age of 58 after spending two and a half weeks in a coma.

Wahl was the kind of teacher you weren’t sure if you wanted to have until you had her. I remember the older kids telling me she was a tough teacher. And that was true. She was a tough teacher, but she was one of the best.

“Mrs. Wahl was always the teacher that all the other kids warned you about, but when I got there I found her to be a great teacher who was different from all the others,” former student Laura Watson said. “She knew how to show discipline without using brute force which always set her apart.”

While I have many memories of Wahl, I know my years in chorus will always be the ones I think of first.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Wahl several years ago while I was completing my internship at the Andalusia Star-News. She was candid about going through dialysis and finally receiving a kidney transplant.

I love to take trips down memory lane and often that comes with remembering what I liked about my favorite teachers.

Several of my schoolmates were kind enough to share their thoughts and memories with me Monday about Wahl’s determination not to give up on her students.

“What was so funny about Mrs. Wahl was that she’d throw a shoe at you, but she’d let you know that you can do anything if you set your mind to it,” former student Christy Watson said.

Wahl touched so many lives with her stern, but practical teaching. One former student was able to say “thank you” and get a little praise from her former sixth grade teacher.

“She’s someone that I’ll remember and be thankful for having the pleasure of knowing for the rest of my life,” Amanda Bryan said.

Bryan said she never understood until years later why Wahl pushed her to always do her best.

“About a year ago I saw her at the doctor’s office and told her thank you for what she’d taught me,” she said. “She smiled and said she knew that I had a lot of potential and that she had just been thinking of me a few days before. She said she was proud of how I turned out.”

Wahl touched lives even when she was going through dialysis before receiving a kidney transplant.

“When Mrs. Wahl had her kidney transplant, my mom was there at the same time for the same thing,” Pleasant Home graduate Leslie Tice Sightler said. “She was an extraordinary lady and I never really knew her that well until then.”

One of the things most students remember is how quickly Wahl’s temper would rise, but they also knew she was a caring teacher who never forgot a birthday.

“I remember how she would paddle you for your birthday, but of course it wasn't a painful paddling,” former student, Yancey Chavers said. “And I remember she would get mad if you called her by her full name, even if you put the "Mrs." in front of it.”

Many of her former students remember a sweet lady, but also one who could straighten up children in a way very few teachers can.

“I remember she was very sweet until you ticked her off,” Angie Cross Parker said with a laugh. “Then those eyes would just cut through you and you knew you better straighten up quick.”

Pleasant Home math teacher, Lisa Rolling remembers the fighter Wahl had become in recent years.

“She was a true fighter,” Rolling said. “She had fought for her life several times, but couldn't fight this one. I sure will miss her. She loved Pleasant Home and she loved her kids. She was a very devoted teacher.”

Many Pleasant Home students will never have the experience of a teacher like Mamie Wahl. This year’s sixth graders will never hear her famous saying “who died and made you king?”

While Pleasant Home, Wahl’s family and her former students mourn her loss, we can all know that our memories of her will last forever.

I know I’ll carry all of these memories with me and smile when I think of her.

Remembering mom's favorite things

As mother’s day approaches, I think of my mother, who’s been gone for half my life.

I remember the wonderful things about her and I smile but I get teary thinking I didn’t know her as well as I should have.

At 15, my only concerns were boys and getting my driver’s permit. I should have paid more attention to her. I should have – well I guess those shoulda, coulda, wouldas don’t really count now.

My mother, Edna Earl Ward Taylor, would be 70 this year.

As I grow older, my memories of her fade with each passing year. I can look back through my mind’s eye and see a few moments and those precious moments are the ones I cling to most.

I know my mother loved me. and I know she knew I loved her too. But the stories I hear about her now show me how little I paid attention to who she really was.

I remember little things – like her favorite perfume was Wind Song and she loved Harlequin romance novels. Her favorite color was purple – and that was the color of her burial dress.

She used a walking cane because she had back surgery and one of her legs was half an inch shorter than the other.

She loved makeup – blue eye shadow was her favorite. She wore fake fingernails because her real ones always broke off right at the tip.

I can still see her gluing them on when I close my eyes and take myself back.

She loved Marty Robbins and old musicals. She loved the movies, “The Robe,” “The Sound of Music” and “Sparticus.”

She liked mystery shows like “Murder, She Wrote,” “Columbo,” “Diagnosis Murder,” “In the Heat of the Night” and “Matlock.”

Her hair was always short and it turned grey by the time I was 14.

My mother was diabetic and she gave herself injections twice a day. I am diabetic now, which is something I wasn’t glad to inherit from her, but it makes me understand the struggles she endured.

She sang alto in the church choir. She was so proud when I sang my first solo that she taped it on a cassette recorder.

I can almost see her when I look in the mirror and when I do I see the sometimes wavy hair I inherited from her side. I hear my voice moving to alto when I sing in the choir now.

I can think of no better gift to give my mother than to continue to do her proud.

Mom’s Poem

I believe in angels

And just because I do

I know my mom is watching

Over me right now.

I know I’m not a failure

Or disappointment too

Because she’s watching, guiding

And helping me move through.

I wait for the Lord to come

Because I know ’tis soon

I’ll walk with her up there

And with Jesus too.

My mother was the best

She taught me about Jesus

And now she looks on with pride

As I follow all my dreams.

Even though I miss her

I know her love will never die

And even though she’s gone

I still wish her a ‘Happy Mother’s Day.’

The best thing about writing is...

...being able to see the people inside the story.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my writing. I know I have talent - but sometimes I have this point of doubting myself. I guess all writers do that.

I think about what it means to be a writer - to touch peoples lives with the words you share with them and about them.

I have had the opportunity to meet some extraordinary people in the past few months working at The Opp News. These people give so much of themselves just to make others happy. They have the backing of people who care about them and they face trials with their heads held high.

I look at these wonderful people and think of all the stories each person has inside of them. We all have stories - from our childhood or from last weekend with a big group of friends.

These stories are the reason I love being a writer and reporter. Getting to the reason a person does what they do is a humbling experience. Hearing about how someone has fought cancer and survived, how a fire chief was saved by his own firefighters, how thousands of people benefit from non-profit organizations and many more I can't even begin to name.

I'm so blessed to be the wordsmith for these people. To take out my pen and paper and let the words flow from their mouths onto the page - letting them tell the story instead of me. It's all about how you arrange the words to make a story great.

When a story comes together and you can visualize it in your mind, you come away with something more than a finished article. It's a work of art. It might not be perfect and it might never be, but it will touch the lives of those who read it.

I've always wanted to touch lives, to make a difference in a life with my words. I might not use big words and overly describe every detail, but I make the visuals work in my own way. I make things simple and straightforward - when I don't over think the story.

I respect the faith and sacrifices of extraordinary people like Jerry Wilson and Tyler Spann. Each one of these has a story. They have faith they will overcome all the obstructions life throws their way.

Jerry Wilson is the fire chief at Hopewell Volunteer Fire Department. He and his family are truly amazing people and they have so much faith in God. His story - having to call out his own fire department to save his life - is one I know has touched my life personally. His strong will and faith that he will continue to recover in the days and months ahead inspires me to have more faith in not only myself, but the rest of man kind.

Tyler Spann is a very special 14-year-old boy. Looking at him, you wouldn't even know that he suffers from Asperger's syndrome. Asperger's is a milder form of autism effecting social interaction, but each child having this disorder excels at something. And excelling at something helps these amazing children express their emotions. Tyler expresses his emotions through his music - which is the perfect outlet. This talented boy can play Vivaldi, Mozart or Beethoven by ear on the piano and he's written his own compositions since the age of 11. He is also teaching himself to play the violin, which is amazing!

These are only two of the amazing people I've been able to talk to in the past few months. I have met so many more over the past few years, writing for The Andalusia Star-News and now The Opp News. I couldn't even begin to name them all.

I remember talking to a little girl who survived cancer and interviewing a soldier who had just come home from Iraq during my time at the Star-News. Of course, one of my favorite interviews was with Anna Garrott. Getting to interview someone that loves music and her fans is one of the best things. She doesn't let getting famous go to her head. Anna's a really talented girl and she's got a great head on her shoulders. I think she's going places and I hope to see her on stage again soon - headlining! I wish her all the best!

I can't wait to talk to more people. I can't wait to tell their stories! I'm still trying to finish my novel - though I haven't read or written anything on it in ages. I get new ideas, but with writing news and feature stories, I'm mentally drained. I can't wrap my head around my characters right now - well, save for one. And he's mostly my knight in shining armor stuck in a book. I'm hoping one day Everyone who reads Midnight Hope will love him as much as I do.

Garrott opens for Luke Bryan at tonight's Opp Rattlesnake Rodeo

Note: I was extremely honored to interview this wonderful girl from Troy. Anna is as sweet as she can be and I hope some of you have the chance to come out and see her perform at the Opp Rattlesnake Rodeo tonight (March 26) at 6:50 p.m. I think this interview is one of my top five favorites since I began working at the Opp News the last of November. If you pick up a paper, this article is located on page 7A.

Country singer and songwriter, Anna Garrott will be a little closer to home when she opens for Luke Bryan tonight at the Opp Rattlesnake Rodeo.

Three years ago, the 25-year-old Troy native’s dream came true when she signed with Pensacola based label, Blue Steel Records. In 2008, she released her first album, Only Time Will Tell.

“Blue Steel Records owners (Vicki Carey and Jim White) have gotten behind me from day one,” she said. “We built the label from the ground up and they believed in me. As a team we all make it work.”

From Troy to Nashville, Garrott still remains a laid back, hometown girl.
“My heart and soul will always be in Alabama,” she said.

An entertainer from an early age, she started dancing at age three joining the Dixie Darlings cloggers at age six.

When she started college in Troy she began performing in hometown bars like The Double Branch Lounge in an effort to catch her big break.

Garrott said previous Double Branch owner, Mike Reeves influenced her love of the acoustic part of music and writing lyrics.

“As a singer it’s about affecting somebody else with your music,” she said. “It’s the power to affect people – that’s the coolest part.”

Since the songwriting bug bit her at 17, Garrott calls writing lyrics her therapy.
“It’s an amazing process to have an idea in your head and have it come to fruition,” she said.

Introduced to country music by her grandmother, Garrott’s musical tastes range from classic country to folk to blues.

Her favorite female singers cover a variety of musical tastes from Lorretta Lynn to Bonnie Raitt.

“The common thread is they’re strong women and it draws me to these ladies and their female empowering attitudes,” she said.

Traveling all over the United States, Garrott has opened for country music singers like Randy Travis, Lady Antebellum, Craig Morgan and Joe Nichols.

“It’s extremely nerve wracking and you have no idea who’s watching,” she said of opening for such well-known acts. “You have fight hard to win them (the crowd) over, but it’s extremely rewarding when you do.”

Though her nerves can take a plunge when opening for legendary names like Randy Travis, Garrott says she doesn’t usually get nervous.

“The only time I get nervous is when I’m performing a new song,” she said. “I’m nervous to how it will be received.”

Her favorite song on her debut is “Trouble is a Woman”

“It’s one of those ‘don’t worry I’ll get you back songs’ with an upbeat tempo,” she said.

Garrott defines her first album as traditional country, but said her upcoming album would have a bluesy edge.

“We’re working on the next album already,” she said. “We’re rushing like crazy to get the material to the fans because they want to know what you’ve been doing since the last one.

“It’s such an amazing process. The songs you’ve written coming to life and having musicians put their pizzazz on it.”

Garrott was able to attend the CMA luncheon and was nominated for CMA artist to watch in 2010.

“As an artist, you are nothing without your fans; you have no success without them,” she said. “You get to live your dreams and do what you do every day because of them.”

Pride in my county

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a drug program at Opp Middle School to take pictures and write an article for the Opp News. For those of you who don’t know what the program was about, I’m going to give you the lowdown.

The Drug Task Force agents along with Andalusia and Opp Police Departments, the Covington County Sheriff’s Office, and a local business (whom I can’t name for political reasons, but I’m sure people will figure it out as I go on) were responsible for putting together Kids Against Prescription Pills (K.A.P.P.).

This program is such a great opportunity for DTF agents to go to county schools and talk to middle schoolers about prescription drug addiction.

The first location I went to yesterday afternoon was devoted to facts. Straight up, cold, hard facts about what prescription drugs can do to a person – emotionally and physically. The kids were able to answer questions about what DTF agent David Harrell spoke on during his part of the program.

The second location was for speakers, Connie Messick and Lori Rickett, who were able to give students a first hand account of drug addiction. Connie was tearful as she told students about stealing from her son’s bank account just to get her prescription drug fix. She told the kids that she could no longer be a nurse and she couldn’t drive – and those were just two things that were as a result of her addiction.

Local radio celebrity, Blaine Wilson and local attorney and former University of Alabama football player, Corey Bryan spoke at the last location. They pushed the fact that the kids could be like them and do well without having to resort to taking drugs to get a high. They could be high on life and be successful just like these two guys have been.

I’m just so proud that our schools are concerned about the problem of prescription drugs. Yes, there have been some problems here – actually one resulting in an arrest here in Opp if memory serves. I believe these kids heard the message that was being drilled home yesterday. Assistant Principal, Shawn Short told me that several of the kids had tears after hearing Connie and Lori speak about their lives.

I’m proud that there are people (who shall remain nameless) who will look out for the best interests of our children.

This person, who I cannot name has been instrumental in putting together several of the drug programs in this county. I know he will keep striving to do what is best for the good of Covington County as he runs for office.

Being a writer

I am a writer.

Yes, I know, that sounds a bit like I'm trying to tell you who I am and what I do. But that's not the case. I'm telling myself too. Sure, anyone can write a blog or a poem or even a short story. Many people can write books and never get published.

Me, I'm published - well not in the way that I want to be yet, but I'm making a point of getting there this year. Being a journalist is great, but being a writer would be so much BETTER. I'm not saying I'd sit at home all day and watch Days or The Young and the Restless. I'd sit home and write! I'd let the muse flow onto the page. I'd be able to let my mind take me to so many places if I could just sit in front of my laptop without anything else to do later and no distractions.

That's a bit of a hard order - no distractions. I'll get distracted by the TV more times than I can count - and yes, it's entirely my fault since I can't write without some kind of noise going on around me. It's like trying to sleep without the radio on - I just can't seem to do it - at least not all the time.

Music, television and movies inspire me the most. I still read occasionally and the authors I do read are really amazing. They write so well that I wonder if I'll ever get to be where they are. And here I go again doubting myself.

While I as in Pensacola for New Year's I went to Barnes and Noble (spent WAY too much money) and bought several books I needed for work and writing. I bought a book called Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell that I am going to DIVE into this weekend. I bought a new Associated Press Stylebook and a book on grammar and usage. So, I should be set, right? Just got to get in front of my computer and WRITE.

I am learning a lot about writing articles again. And trust me, it's different than writing a blog or a story. Basically you TELL in an article and in a story you SHOW. To me telling and showing are almost the same thing. And the thing that gets me still about article writing is that you have to tell before you quote - transitions will always kill me in articles, I think.

My goal for this year is to finish my first novel and finish some short stories to post on my writer's blog. I know I'm going to need lots of inspiration and encouragement. I know that I can do this. I know I can finish my novel and get it to publishers for publication by the end of the year. And if I don't - it's my own fault!

Turning 30 this year has made me realize that I want to do more with my life than write for a local newspaper. I want to have fans who come up to me and ask me to sign my book. I want fans who email me and tell me how much they enjoyed reading my book. I want fans to fall in love with my heroes and heroines and beg for more books on them.

Since I was 15 I've always dreamed of being a writer - so I think 15 years in the making, I should be getting close!

On another note, that doesn't relate to writing at all - I LOVE my church family. We might not be a big church at Mobley Creek, but we have some of the most caring people you will ever meet. I've had issues with my water, so I haven't had hot water for a few months now and a member of my church that I've known for a long time came to my house while I was at work and fixed my water regulator so I could have hot water. He had some help, but it's things like that - when you just tell someone you're having a rough time and don't ask them for help and they help you anyway without thinking of getting anything back. That's the most important lesson I've learned in recent years. Do it because you WANT to do something for someone, even if all you get out of it is a BIG thank you. These people are so wonderful. They have helped me through so many hard times in recent years. They've given me rides to work when I didn't have a car and they've shown me that even if you go away for a while and come back, they don't forget you.

I really do praise God for these wonderful people that I have the privilege to know. I thank the Father for their faith and their caring. God is good and his people are good. And I know this year will bring more goodness my way.

Keep me in your prayers as I'm still struggling with my writing. I have an appointment to see the doctor again on the 18th for my diabetes. I'm sure she's going to be a little upset with me since my weight loss seems to have leveled off where I am. And my sugar was a little bit high this morning after I'd eaten breakfast. But I'm hoping to get a team together here at the Opp News so we can participate in Scale Back Alabama. I'm looking forward to speaking with Patty, the dietitian over at the Mizell Wellness Center on Monday about this. And I'm hoping she can give me some tips on diabetic eating and such. I'll try to pass on the info on this blog when I get it so any of you can benefit from it as well.

I'm off to an awards ceremony that's going to take up a couple hours. Here's hoping my stomach doesn't start growling! :)

Blessings and joy!

I have been so blessed this year that I don't know what to do with myself. Of course, most of my blessings came at the end of the year, but still, this year has been a good one.

One of the best things to happen for me this year has been getting a new job that lets me work better hours - and it's full time! Working in Opp has been great for the past month and I look forward to many more months here.

One of my blessings in disguise was finding out that I am diabetic. Having this happen at this point in my life has been hard, but I am able to deal with it fairly well. I have always known I would be at risk since my mother had diabetes. But being able to lose weight and really take a step back and look at what I am eating has really made a difference in my life. I'm not where I need to be by any means, but I am well on my way to where I want to go.

I couldn't tell you how many times I talked to my cousin and best friend, Mary Ann since she moved to Lakeland, but I can tell you I have talked to her more in the past 5 months than I have since they moved from Tuscaloosa. It is a blessing that she and I have gotten to be close again despite the distance that separates us. I am lucky to be able to be considered her daughter's aunt even though I'm not Mary Ann's real sister. I know in our hearts, we are and always will be sisters.

I'm blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I know that I often take for granted the fact that I can go away and not be in church at Mobley Creek for a while and come back and still feel welcome. Though, we may not have a large congregation, it is one that I have come to know and love for a very long time. We are truly blessed to have a wonderful pastor - Terry Powell and I am proud to say that he is every bit a Christian outside the church doors as he is inside.

Writing has always been my passion - well probably since about the age of 15, I wanted to be a writer. I didn't think I was any good or that I might make it big and I still haven't, but I'm well on my way. I'm doing something I love. Talking to people and learning their stories always touches my heart and I am proud that I am gifted enough to do this job.

I think the Lord has truly blessed me with many wonderful gifts, which I know I take for granted. My singing and my writing are both gifts that I know he has given me to show others about my faith in him. I don't sing as much as I should, but I have rejoined the church choir and that is fulfilling in itself.

I don't know what I would do without my wonderful and supportive church family. They have been the ones that I have leaned upon and shared my troubles with over the past few years. They have never faultered in showing me they will do whatever they can to help. Isn't that the most wonderful thing?

I know this blog is jumping all over the place, but I really do have a great deal to be thankful for as 2009 comes to a close. I can only hope that 2010 brings even better things my way - despite the fact that I will be 30 in May.

I wish all of you the very best in the new year and I hope His blessings and goodness shine on you!

God Bless!
-Esther

All I want for Christmas is...

By ESTHER TAYLOR
The Opp News
oppeditorial@centurytel.net

Reading through Dear Santa letters, for the paper, I start to get a little nostalgic. I think about when I was in first grade or second grade – which is over 20 years ago if you can believe it.
I remember wanting simple things, like Barbies and things to entertain me. Now, children have a host of electronic games that can entertain and educate. I think we were easier to please back then. Children today seem to want everything they see on television and Lord help us all if their best friend has something they don’t.
I think it’s important to remember to want more simple things for Christmas, but sometimes those things get lost in what we think we really want and need in our lives.
If I were to write a letter to Santa, it would go something like this:
Dear Santa,
I will not say that I’ve been very good this year. I’m sure I haven’t, but as far as nice goes, I think I’d be among the others on the ‘Nice’ list.
First of all, I would like world peace, but I do not want this at the cost of more lives. I would like for all of our troops to be able to come home for the holidays and be with their families. These courageous men and women have fought, bled and died for our country to be able to have the freedom to celebrate holidays and have the right to state our opinions. They should be able to come home after eight years over there fighting to keep the terrorists at bay.
Second, I would like for there to be no poverty. Everyone should have money in their pockets and a place to call home. I’m not saying this should be a free handout and I’m not saying those who already get government assistance should get off their butts and get a job instead of mooching off the hard working citizens of these United States. Actually, you know what, that IS what I’m saying. If you can work, if you’re physically and mentally able to keep a full time job, you should. No questions. And just because you have assistance from the government to feed your six kids, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to support your family further. Government handouts are not for people who sit on their butts and continue to take for granted that people like me help to pay for what you’ve got on your table. And I bet that it’s better than what I’ve got in my refrigerator at home right now.
Third, I would like for there to be a big deal about holidays that honor our fallen soldiers. These men and women gave their lives for us. Does anyone know what that means? That means these people willingly gave up their hopes and dreams and have stepped into the wars that have happened to ensure our survival as a great nation.
I know I’m asking a lot, but these are things our country needs to remember and fight for in the coming years.
Santa we need a little help, so if any of this could be accomplished, I know you’d be the first one to do it. It doesn’t matter if you’re real or not – if you’re real to hundreds of boys and girls across the world, that says something.
When we’re young, we have faith that you’ll bring us what we want. And sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t. The point is, it’s important to believe in something, no matter what it is!
I know you’ll try your best to lend a helping hand.
Love,
Esther

P.S. If you find Christian Kane lying around somewhere, send him along too.

Holiday Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving having already passed and Christmas coming up, I’ve been thinking about what I’m most thankful for this year. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful, supportive family. I have a Savior who died to save a poor sinner like me. I have a great new job. I have wonderful friends, who are like family to me. I have food to eat, a car that gets me where I need to go, and a roof over my head.

I’m thankful for old friends who have come back into my life. I’m thankful that we can carry on as if no time has past. I am thankful that true friends never forget you and though time and space may separate you, you are always in each other’s hearts.

I am eternally grateful for my brothers and sisters in Christ. Without the prayers of God’s children, I know many of my own prayers would not be answered. I’m thankful for all the answered prayers for my health. I’m thankful for the answered prayer for a better job as well.

I am thankful for the time God allowed me to have my parents before He called them home. I am grateful for my mother’s faith in God and her teaching me about His love from a very young age. I know the reason I still have my faith is because of the example my mother set for me. I know later in her life, she couldn’t go to church because of her health, but she still would study her Bible on occasion. Her Bible, which I still have though it is now worn with care, has many notes and underlined passages. When I look through it, I can feel connected to her through the words of the Father.

I am thankful to those who inspire me to be creative and try to do more to better myself. I am glad the Lord above saw fit to put these people in my life as inspiration. I can only hope that I too can be an inspiration and example for someone one day.
Most of all, I am thankful to be alive and healthy enough to go to work. I may not like some of the aspects of my life, but I am always thankful to be alive.

As Christmas draws near, we need to be thankful for the real reason why we celebrate this holiday – our Lord Jesus.

So often we forget in our busy lives that it is He who guides us. He’s the Great Physician, Mighty Counselor, Lamb of God, Living Water, and so much more. He’s whatever we need, whenever we need it. Isn’t that so amazing? One person can be everything we need! All we have to do is remember it!

We have remember the reason we have what we have is because of Him. We have family to share the holiday with and we make precious memories that will last a lifetime, but we have to remember to be thankful for Him and what He has given to us.

Family history and good times

Family! Wow. I really never realized how many people are in my extended family until yesterday.

We had our Ward reunion yesterday and seeing people I haven't seen in years makes me very happy and excited about the future.

Let me explain about my family and how I'm a Ward. My mom was a Ward before she married the first time. She married a Loften and then after he passed away, she married my father. My mom, Edna Earl Taylor nee Ward, was the youngest of three children born to Barnett Seth and Esther Vivian Ward. My grandfather, Barnett was the oldest of 10 children born to William Elias and Hattie Mae Ward. My great grandfather was a preacher and a very good man. I really wish I could have known him.

Those who gathered at the reunion are descendants of William Elias and Hattie Mae Ward nee Knowles. The ten children they had are as follows: Barnett Seth, James Worth, Lucy Elizabeth, William Elias Jr., Mildred, Myrtle Mae, Bessie, Richard Jackson, Wyley Donald, and Doyle Omega. My great grandfather was the son of John "Jack" and Lucy (Godwin) Ward. He was the fourth from the oldest of eleven children. All of this information can be found in my Uncle Donald Ward's book "The Folks from Pea Ridge."

Many of the family got together and made leaves for their families so we can put together a family tree. The kids colored them and several people filled out the information on the leaves. It was a great project that we will get to see flourish as the years go by. Many of the older children will get married and have their own leaves and own families added later on.

There were about 145 people at the old home place today. It's amazing to see the family's roots and hear stories about things that happened in days gone by. My great grandfather ran a farm, raised 10 children and preached the word through the Great Depression. From my Uncle Donald's pamphlet "Uncle Bill as I Knew Him," I've learned my great grandfather was a very giving man and also very intelligent. He was very open minded about religion and often spoke or sang in other churches.

There were 14 of us there from my granddaddy's side of the family. My granddady's children, Gloria, Clyde and Edna are all deceased now, but my Aunt Gloria's children are pictured here with her husband, Robert Gafford. From the back row are Angie Wright, Jason Wright and Ramona Wright. Second row from the left are Raleigh Gafford, Kelsey Bates, Robert Gafford, Regina Bates and Amber Wright. Third row from the left are Randi Sadler, Tyler Nellums, and Savannah (Jason's wife's daughter). Bottom row from left are Kaitlyn Bates and Lyndee Sadler. I'm hoping I have all of these last names right, but I'm going to double check later and make corrections as needed. I am the only one not in the picture and am the only child from my mom's branch of the family.

I have watched all of the kids grow up and I am starting to feel rather old now that they are almost grown. Kelsey is the oldest of the kids - she just turned 18 last month. Tyler is the second oldest and will be 16 in February. Kaitlyn is 13 and the twins, Randi and Lyndee just turned 12 this month.


Kelsey, me and Kaitlyn on the back porch at the old home place.


Tyler and me sitting in the kitchen at the old home place.

As I'm growing older, I've come to realize the importance of family history. You have to know your roots and where you've come from. My family has a lot of amazing history even if we aren't all famous or have life changing jobs. We have touched lives through the branches that spread out far and wide over the southern states. We've lost several great people in the past few years and though we might miss them, we carry on. We think of them and remember them when we gather together as a family and we share our memories of them and hold them dear in our hearts.