Love. What does loving someone mean? I have felt it for many people over the course of my life, but I wonder if I will ever have someone feel the same type of love for me that I feel for them.
Over the past 15 years, I have loved many men. All of them will hold a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that only two have really remained in my heart for a long time. I know the one who will always be in my heart - the one that I will always love because he was the first guy I ever fell completely in love with.
As the story goes, he broke my heart simply because he didn't feel the same way about me. Because of the special memories and the amazing things he did for me, I know I will always love him. Whenever I needed a friend, he was there for me. He made me laugh like no one else ever has. He stood by me when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he helped me get through the loss of my favorite uncle. He wrote me a poem using the letters of my name. He gave me a flowering plant to show me how much he cared. Even though I no longer have the plant, I have a picture to remind me that he did care even though it wasn't in the way I wanted.
This boy was my best friend, he was my comfort and I wish that I could get that back. Some things aren't meant to be, I guess. Maybe I hurt him too. I don't know, but I can imagine I did. He hurt me more than anyone, but I still loved him - and I still do.
The other boy will have a special place in my heart, but I don't feel for him as I once did. He is a special friend to me, but that is all I feel for him now. I guess I'm numb after all I was put through with him.
I have regrets with the first boy I ever loved completely. I regret that I didn't remain in his life and that I couldn't get get past the hurt he caused me to stay friends with him. I'm sure if he's reading this, he knows this is about him.
Love is something I can feel completely. I love my friends and family more than words can say. I love the people who have always been there for me and loved me for who I am. These are the people who have made me what I am today.
Falling in love is wonderful, but it's horrible when it ends. I hope that one day I will find a man who will fall for me in return. I know I deserve the best, but I'm wondering if the best will ever come along. I can only wait and see what the future holds for me. I'm hoping love is part of what makes this year a great one.
Dreams do come true...I hope!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Ever since I first read Anne Rice's "Interview with the Vampire" and saw the movie in 1995, I have wanted to be a writer. I guess you can say it is my dream job. Right now, I'm following that dream and I'm excited and yet scared of where it might lead. I don't know if I will get published and I don't know if I will have enough money to get me where I'm going, but I have to have faith that good things will happen for me.
With the love and support of my friends, I have reached out to do what I have been dreaming of since I was 15. I have sent letters and queries to several publishers with hopes to get my series started. I have always dreamed of meeting new people and meeting the people that have inspired me to write.
During the recent JAA banquet for the Hall School of Journalism at Troy University, I met some lovely people and saw some of my fellow journalists recognized for their achievements. I am proud to have completed my degree at Troy. I was able to see some of the professors I enjoyed while I was there and I even got to catch up with a few old friends. I am rooting for the Master's program for this fall. I would love to get a Master's in Communication, though what I will do with it is a huge question right now. I know Troy will be a better university if the program does get picked up this fall. I would be proud to be one of the first graduates of the Master's in Communication program.
As with everything, there are trials and tribulations, but we grow stronger with each twist and turn. We can expect things to get better for us after all of the unhappy times and the lows that have held us down. We want to know that our dreams and hopes are not stupid and can be achieved. We struggle on to a better tomorrow and hope that when things do start turning around, they really do make us happy.
Right now, I can honestly say that I am happy - as much as I can be without a job and money. I am following my dream - the one I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. I am going to be an author! I am going to finish Christian's story and make everyone love him as much as I do. (And yes, folks, this Christian was named WAY before I even met Christian Kane!)
I want to finish all the things I've never had time for in the past year. I want to catch up with old friends and make a bunch of new ones. I want to love someone this year like I have never loved before. If I get my heart broken, that's all part of the process. I just want to feel and write and make more of my life. I want to dream about all the things that I wish would come true for me.
Most of all, I want all of you that read this to continue to pray for me. I love each one of you and I wish for you the best that life can bring.
With the love and support of my friends, I have reached out to do what I have been dreaming of since I was 15. I have sent letters and queries to several publishers with hopes to get my series started. I have always dreamed of meeting new people and meeting the people that have inspired me to write.
During the recent JAA banquet for the Hall School of Journalism at Troy University, I met some lovely people and saw some of my fellow journalists recognized for their achievements. I am proud to have completed my degree at Troy. I was able to see some of the professors I enjoyed while I was there and I even got to catch up with a few old friends. I am rooting for the Master's program for this fall. I would love to get a Master's in Communication, though what I will do with it is a huge question right now. I know Troy will be a better university if the program does get picked up this fall. I would be proud to be one of the first graduates of the Master's in Communication program.As with everything, there are trials and tribulations, but we grow stronger with each twist and turn. We can expect things to get better for us after all of the unhappy times and the lows that have held us down. We want to know that our dreams and hopes are not stupid and can be achieved. We struggle on to a better tomorrow and hope that when things do start turning around, they really do make us happy.
Right now, I can honestly say that I am happy - as much as I can be without a job and money. I am following my dream - the one I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. I am going to be an author! I am going to finish Christian's story and make everyone love him as much as I do. (And yes, folks, this Christian was named WAY before I even met Christian Kane!)
I want to finish all the things I've never had time for in the past year. I want to catch up with old friends and make a bunch of new ones. I want to love someone this year like I have never loved before. If I get my heart broken, that's all part of the process. I just want to feel and write and make more of my life. I want to dream about all the things that I wish would come true for me.
Most of all, I want all of you that read this to continue to pray for me. I love each one of you and I wish for you the best that life can bring.
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