Love...regrets...loss

Love. What does loving someone mean? I have felt it for many people over the course of my life, but I wonder if I will ever have someone feel the same type of love for me that I feel for them.

Over the past 15 years, I have loved many men. All of them will hold a special place in my heart. I can honestly say that only two have really remained in my heart for a long time. I know the one who will always be in my heart - the one that I will always love because he was the first guy I ever fell completely in love with.

As the story goes, he broke my heart simply because he didn't feel the same way about me. Because of the special memories and the amazing things he did for me, I know I will always love him. Whenever I needed a friend, he was there for me. He made me laugh like no one else ever has. He stood by me when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he helped me get through the loss of my favorite uncle. He wrote me a poem using the letters of my name. He gave me a flowering plant to show me how much he cared. Even though I no longer have the plant, I have a picture to remind me that he did care even though it wasn't in the way I wanted.

This boy was my best friend, he was my comfort and I wish that I could get that back. Some things aren't meant to be, I guess. Maybe I hurt him too. I don't know, but I can imagine I did. He hurt me more than anyone, but I still loved him - and I still do.

The other boy will have a special place in my heart, but I don't feel for him as I once did. He is a special friend to me, but that is all I feel for him now. I guess I'm numb after all I was put through with him.

I have regrets with the first boy I ever loved completely. I regret that I didn't remain in his life and that I couldn't get get past the hurt he caused me to stay friends with him. I'm sure if he's reading this, he knows this is about him.

Love is something I can feel completely. I love my friends and family more than words can say. I love the people who have always been there for me and loved me for who I am. These are the people who have made me what I am today.

Falling in love is wonderful, but it's horrible when it ends. I hope that one day I will find a man who will fall for me in return. I know I deserve the best, but I'm wondering if the best will ever come along. I can only wait and see what the future holds for me. I'm hoping love is part of what makes this year a great one.