Thinking of the past

Lately, I have been thinking more and more about my years at LBWCC. I know I shouldn't, but I love the memories I have of my two years there. I met so many wonderful people at LBW. Hannah, Jeremy, Chris, Eric and so many more. I had wonderful teachers, like Doc and Mrs. Franklin. I couldn't have asked for anything more out of my junior college. I'm proud to have my two-year degree from LBW and I'm glad that I stayed home for the first two years of my college time.

I had some wonderful classes - my creative writing class was definitely one of my favorites. I guess that's because I love writing so much! I hardly ever got good grades in English even though it has become my favorite subject over the years. I know how to write a sentence and make it bleed into the hearts of my readers - or at least I hope I do.

I have thought about my writing and how I express my emotions when I write. I have thought about the past and about everything I need to leave there. I have let go of so much, but a few things still remain. I hold onto what I love with a fierceness I can't comprehend. I push people away when they get close to me because I've lost so many people. I am who I am because of my past and I wonder if I can ever be who I want to be. I don't even really know who I want to be.

You know they ask you when you're in school what you want to be when you grow up. I don't even remember what I said at each stage in my life. I might have said nurse or doctor or lawyer. I don't know. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was going into LBWCC, but I quickly dismissed that and was led by my wonderful adviser,the late Dr. Mike Daniel to journalism. I wouldn't have gone to Troy University and finished my degree if it wasn't for his wonderful guidance.

I've always been told to do something you love, but how can you possibly make a living writing? Sure, I know tons of people who write for a living in some form or another, but they don't make the big bucks. My dream job would be writing for a TV show like "The Vampire Diaries." What good are dreams like that if I can't get a break? Yes, my book will be published in the next few months, I hope. But at 32, I don't see my dreams coming true anymore. Yes, my book coming out is a HUGE dream come true, but it's not everything I wanted.

I guess I will always want more. I've always wanted more in relationships. I've always wanted my own knight in shining armor and my prince. But I know fairytales don't come true. I wonder if I will ever have a happy ending.