Holiday Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving having already passed and Christmas coming up, I’ve been thinking about what I’m most thankful for this year. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful, supportive family. I have a Savior who died to save a poor sinner like me. I have a great new job. I have wonderful friends, who are like family to me. I have food to eat, a car that gets me where I need to go, and a roof over my head.

I’m thankful for old friends who have come back into my life. I’m thankful that we can carry on as if no time has past. I am thankful that true friends never forget you and though time and space may separate you, you are always in each other’s hearts.

I am eternally grateful for my brothers and sisters in Christ. Without the prayers of God’s children, I know many of my own prayers would not be answered. I’m thankful for all the answered prayers for my health. I’m thankful for the answered prayer for a better job as well.

I am thankful for the time God allowed me to have my parents before He called them home. I am grateful for my mother’s faith in God and her teaching me about His love from a very young age. I know the reason I still have my faith is because of the example my mother set for me. I know later in her life, she couldn’t go to church because of her health, but she still would study her Bible on occasion. Her Bible, which I still have though it is now worn with care, has many notes and underlined passages. When I look through it, I can feel connected to her through the words of the Father.

I am thankful to those who inspire me to be creative and try to do more to better myself. I am glad the Lord above saw fit to put these people in my life as inspiration. I can only hope that I too can be an inspiration and example for someone one day.
Most of all, I am thankful to be alive and healthy enough to go to work. I may not like some of the aspects of my life, but I am always thankful to be alive.

As Christmas draws near, we need to be thankful for the real reason why we celebrate this holiday – our Lord Jesus.

So often we forget in our busy lives that it is He who guides us. He’s the Great Physician, Mighty Counselor, Lamb of God, Living Water, and so much more. He’s whatever we need, whenever we need it. Isn’t that so amazing? One person can be everything we need! All we have to do is remember it!

We have remember the reason we have what we have is because of Him. We have family to share the holiday with and we make precious memories that will last a lifetime, but we have to remember to be thankful for Him and what He has given to us.

Family history and good times

Family! Wow. I really never realized how many people are in my extended family until yesterday.

We had our Ward reunion yesterday and seeing people I haven't seen in years makes me very happy and excited about the future.

Let me explain about my family and how I'm a Ward. My mom was a Ward before she married the first time. She married a Loften and then after he passed away, she married my father. My mom, Edna Earl Taylor nee Ward, was the youngest of three children born to Barnett Seth and Esther Vivian Ward. My grandfather, Barnett was the oldest of 10 children born to William Elias and Hattie Mae Ward. My great grandfather was a preacher and a very good man. I really wish I could have known him.

Those who gathered at the reunion are descendants of William Elias and Hattie Mae Ward nee Knowles. The ten children they had are as follows: Barnett Seth, James Worth, Lucy Elizabeth, William Elias Jr., Mildred, Myrtle Mae, Bessie, Richard Jackson, Wyley Donald, and Doyle Omega. My great grandfather was the son of John "Jack" and Lucy (Godwin) Ward. He was the fourth from the oldest of eleven children. All of this information can be found in my Uncle Donald Ward's book "The Folks from Pea Ridge."

Many of the family got together and made leaves for their families so we can put together a family tree. The kids colored them and several people filled out the information on the leaves. It was a great project that we will get to see flourish as the years go by. Many of the older children will get married and have their own leaves and own families added later on.

There were about 145 people at the old home place today. It's amazing to see the family's roots and hear stories about things that happened in days gone by. My great grandfather ran a farm, raised 10 children and preached the word through the Great Depression. From my Uncle Donald's pamphlet "Uncle Bill as I Knew Him," I've learned my great grandfather was a very giving man and also very intelligent. He was very open minded about religion and often spoke or sang in other churches.

There were 14 of us there from my granddaddy's side of the family. My granddady's children, Gloria, Clyde and Edna are all deceased now, but my Aunt Gloria's children are pictured here with her husband, Robert Gafford. From the back row are Angie Wright, Jason Wright and Ramona Wright. Second row from the left are Raleigh Gafford, Kelsey Bates, Robert Gafford, Regina Bates and Amber Wright. Third row from the left are Randi Sadler, Tyler Nellums, and Savannah (Jason's wife's daughter). Bottom row from left are Kaitlyn Bates and Lyndee Sadler. I'm hoping I have all of these last names right, but I'm going to double check later and make corrections as needed. I am the only one not in the picture and am the only child from my mom's branch of the family.

I have watched all of the kids grow up and I am starting to feel rather old now that they are almost grown. Kelsey is the oldest of the kids - she just turned 18 last month. Tyler is the second oldest and will be 16 in February. Kaitlyn is 13 and the twins, Randi and Lyndee just turned 12 this month.


Kelsey, me and Kaitlyn on the back porch at the old home place.


Tyler and me sitting in the kitchen at the old home place.

As I'm growing older, I've come to realize the importance of family history. You have to know your roots and where you've come from. My family has a lot of amazing history even if we aren't all famous or have life changing jobs. We have touched lives through the branches that spread out far and wide over the southern states. We've lost several great people in the past few years and though we might miss them, we carry on. We think of them and remember them when we gather together as a family and we share our memories of them and hold them dear in our hearts.

Moving on

Sometimes you have to take a giant leap. It doesn't really matter what it's for - love, a new job, mankind, etc. If it's something worth the risk, you'll land on your feet.

My life has always felt like a whirlwind - being tossed around full of emotions I've bottled up and tried to hide. It's been one trial after another and here I am, still standing on my own two feet. Sure, there have been times when I've had to lean on someone for support. And of course, there are the times when God and my faith in Him have carried me through the rough spots. But through it all, I've been strong.

Life is about changes, whether they be good or bad. And my life is about to take another turn as I start to work at the Opp News on November 30th.

As most of you know, I've wanted to get back into reporting for a while. I've always thought about being Lois Lane at some newspaper somewhere. I know I'll never win a Pulitzer for anything I write, but writing about people who change lives makes it worth the effort. No matter if only 10 people read this blog or if it's 100, I know my words stand for something.

This decision to get back into writing for a newspaper has been weighing on me for some time. Now, I have the opportunity to do it and it's a little scary. I have faith in my abilities as a wordsmith, but I'm also a worrier. But I prayed about putting in my resume and portfolio and asked God to take care of the situation. It's amazing how God works. He helps us when we need it the most and this job is something I've needed for a while now.

I will be working for a once a week publication and getting 40 hours maximum a week. Benefits, which I've wanted and needed for a while now, will be available in 90 days as well as a 401K plan. I'm looking at being able to have a normal 8-5 job that will let me have more time with my friends and family. And with this schedule, I'll be able to attend church on Wednesday nights and take more trips to Pensacola and other places.

I'm excited and nervous about this big change in my life, but with the support of my wonderful friends and family, I know I'm going to make it. I don't want my life to be full of what ifs. And I want to finish my novels and short stories in the next few months.

I know this next journey in my life is going to leave me with more memories than I can count. I only hope happiness comes with this journey and that my writer's muse continues to give me inspiration through this transition.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I know I have several of you in my prayers and always in my thoughts. I want to ask all of you to pray for Carrie Smith Fore's baby girl, Ella Charles. Visit her blog here to find out the story and how they are doing along the road God has led them. Also, I ask you to pray for my cousins, Mary Ann Knox and her brother Jonathan Grimes. As some of you know, Mary Ann is my best friend as well as my cousin. She's going through a pretty nasty divorce right now, but is making it through with the support of her family and some friends she's made in Lakeland, Florida. She has an almost two-year-old daughter, Ally and Ally is going through not having a father figure in her life. Pray all of this ends well for them and that they can move closer to home when it's over. Jonathan lives in Pensacola and we are just as close as I am with his sister. He's one of my best friends even though he's always been like a little brother to me. He's having thyroid problems, which result in migraines, so we are praying that the doctors can get that under control soon. He's had several other health issues, so we are praying that this won't develop into something more serious.

I love and cherish all of you and each uplifting comment that you make on this blog. I hope all of you are doing well. Take care and I hope to keep this blog more updated in the days and weeks ahead.

Faith can be enlightening

Sometimes when the world comes tumbling down around you, you just have to go back to your child hood and have the blind faith of a child again. I'm talking about that faith and trust that our parents instilled within us - the kind that made us so innocent. Of course, having this blind fath and trust doesn't mean everything will automatically be flowers and candy. If we're at rock bottom, our faith tells us there's nowhere to go but up. Come what may, things will get better no matter how low we feel.

One thing I've learned is that change is constant. No matter if the change is good or bad, there's something going on in our busy lives. We may not always see or feel these changes, but they are there, pushing us onward.

These changes mold us into the people we are, no matter what age we are. Our friends, our co-workers, our family all mold and shape us in ways we can never fully understand. And when we lose faith and trust, we never see the faults within us - we place the blame elsewhere even when it's on us.

For those of us who have been hurt or been through loss, we start to wonder if we should put our faith in anything again. God doesn't always answer our prayers like we want Him to, but He does answer them based on our faith and strength in Him. Maybe our faith wavers in the bad times - or maybe it's stronger. And maybe we forget to have faith during the good times. But God forgives us when we doubt him.

We have to remember that even a small amount of faith can move mountains. As long as our faith is there, we can get through the hardships we have to face. And we can smile with joy in our hearts through the mountaintops God has blessed us with. Our trials, our mountains are there to help us be strong and once we make it to the top and start down the other side, we are able to enjoy the beauty that is God.

At the end of the journey, God always welcomes us home. He tells us "come to me all you who are heavy and laden and I will give you rest." He never fails us. He carries us when we think we can't go any more. He gives us the wonderful people in our lives who stand by us and offer us comfort and support. Without all the blessing of life that we are given each day, we would never wake up, breathe, walk, talk or feel. Even through our darkest hours, we have to have faith we'll make it through the storms of life.

I know faith isn't something we think about or talk about very often. We think more about love or trust, but when it comes down to it all three are connected. I know there are a handful of people I absolutely trust with my life. But those I do trust, are the most important people in my life. I might not always say I love them, but I hope they know I always will.

I think we get so busy that we forget those lessons our parents taught us about faith. That faith is a wonderful thing even in the worst of times. Faith, hope and love keep us balanced - one without the other in any form for ourselves, we lose out on having these for other people in our lives.

I know every time I lost someone - my father, my mother, my aunt, my uncle and even cousins - that my faith would waver. Like everyone else, I'd wonder why. Why couldn't there be a miracle for any one of them to still be here. But now, looking back, they were all miracles in my life. I was the miracle child for my parents. My mom was my best friend and example. Sure, her faith wavered, just as mine has done. She lost two husbands and had a child to raise alone. But she always showed me her faith in God was secure. My Uncle Clyde was always at church every time the doors were open. His faith and dedication in the Lord showed me so much though he lost both of his sisters. He pushed onward and looked after me as much as I looked after him. My Aunt Gloria was the same. Her faith knew no bounds.

I've seen people lose faith completely after losing a loved one. I've seen their faith increase during a battle with a serious illness. I've seen how families grow closer together after a loss and I've seen families torn apart. It's all about how they deal with the loss. Those with faith know they can make it through. I know for me it was the support from my family and friends and my faith in the knowledge that I will see my parents, aunt and uncle again that got me through the grief. Grief is overwhelming. It's possibly the hardest emotion to bear - even your body knows your heart and soul are being torn from the loss. The emptiness and numbness last for a long time and you are forever changed.

Though we know we can't live forever on this earth, each loss touches us. Death is final - but if we believe in God, it's only final for this earth. We may not fully understand what lies ahead after we leave this earth, but we know through our blind faith that it's better than all the toll and strife of this moral life.

Health update - a little late

I feel like I've started to climb a mountain and I'm halfway to the top. What I mean by this is that in four months, I've lost 30 pounds and with the help of the diabetic pills, my sugar is now down to 127.

I know I've only just begun this journey, but I am very happy that I've lost weight slowly and safely and have gotten my diabetes under control. With prayers and a little luck, I'm hoping to be down to a size 18 or 16 (like I was in high school) by the time January rolls around. My next visit to see Doctor Smith is in January and I want to drop at least 30 more pounds. I'm being realistic and not saying 60 or even 50. But of course either of those would be great too. In 3 months I dropped another 17 pounds since I first blogged about being diabetic. That's not as grad as the 13 pounds I lost in the month after I was diagnosed, but I'm still very proud of myself. My doctor was also impressed so I keep doing what I've been doing since March. I watch my carb intake, I take my pill daily (when I remember), I try to get enough sleep, I drink either water or diet soda and I try to cook at home more.

The only bad news from my visit (at the beginning of the month) is that I have tendonitis in my elbow, which makes my entire right arm hurt from my neck down to my knuckles. I bought a brace for my wrist some time ago so I have it and a brace for tennis elbow. She told me that I needed a massage for my shoulder since it's so tense or a portable one if I can find one. My job stresses me out sometimes and so does life in general, but I need to learn to let go sometimes. I bought some Epsom salt to soak my elbow, though I've only done it once. It still aches, but as long as I do work where I have to move my elbow and wrist often, I don't think it will get any better. I try to rest it at night when I get home when I get home from work and if it aches or shoots a sharp pain, I try to work it out.

Since I last wrote, I had my 29th birthday and I spent half of it in Pensacola with my cousin, Jonathan and the other half at work. It feels weird being this close to 30, which goes to prove that time flies when you aren't paying attention. It's not like when we were kids, so I guess I've gathered a little bit of patience along the way.

I'm still trying to finish my novel, but I always try to keep the creative juices flowing by writing everyday. I roleplay online with friends, so I write everyday. I write third person or first person when I make a journal entry for one of my characters. I sometimes want to take a break, but I always keep getting pulled back in. The games are fun - cool ideas with lots of people to write with. It's like writing a story with a partner - going back and forth, to and fro in your character's point of view. I love it - mainly because I get to be someone I'm not and I get to write out emotions and feelings that my character needs to express. But I think I love the interaction most of all because I get to be social online even if I hardly get the chance in real life.

I hope all of you are doing well. I've been really horrible about reading blogs lately. Hopefully work will get less hectic soon and I'll be able to catch up with all of you soon.

Health update

Okay guys. I went to the doctor today and got my report.

....

Here we go. Last month, my sugar was at 303 and today it was to 136. Great! Still have to take the pills, but keep doing what I've been doing. I also lost 13lbs! This made me excited! Just think that much every month and I'll be down under 200 by the time I see the doctor again in 3 months. I showed my doctor the spot on my leg that I forgot about last time. She says it's psoriasis, but that it sometimes happens with diabetics. I've had this spot for about a year if not more. She gave me a prescription cream that I'm going to fill tomorrow with my diabetes pills. It bites having to wait to get paid to pay for these as I still don't have any insurance. My boss is aware that I'm diabetic but still she won't put me on insurance. I guess I'm not worth it. Ah well. New job or book published this year - that's another one of my goals.

I went to church tonight - since I had the night off, which was odd. I asked they pray for me since all of this is hard and I'm struggling with not going back to the way I was. But with everyone's prayers and my not wanting to be on insulin, I know I can do it!

I hope all of you are doing well. Happy Easter! Eat some Cadbury Eggs for me!

Blessings come in small doses

I know I just posted a new blog, but I wanted to keep my "column" separate from my really personal updates.

Things are going pretty well. I'm still struggling with my eating habits. I miss bread!!! Of course, who doesn't cheat. I know I have. And I've limited my bread intake to once a week. Plus, regular sodas are down to once a week as well. I'm trying to drink more water and diet sodas. It's hard, but I'm making it. I'm also trying to eat more veggies, which is odd for me since I'm always getting something on the go before work. You guys would be surprised how many total carbs and calories fast food places have!! I got a book a while ago with all of that kind of info and I'm really using it now. :)

My sugar levels have been decent lately, but not perfect. I've had a few days when they've been on track, but only once when it's been at 200. At least most days it's close to the max after eating, even if I haven't eaten yet. That's progress at least! I'm proud of myself for doing this. And I'm hoping that with controlling my diet and taking the pills the doctor prescribed, that I'll be able to lose some weight and get healthy. That's something that I've been needing to do for a while now. My weight has gotten completely out of control. I haven't weighed myself since I went to the doctor, but my jeans are getting seriously baggy. I take that as a really good sign!

I spoke to my sister (half-sister from my dad's first marriage, but to me she's my sister no matter what) through email and she told me that my mom got diabetes just before she got pregnant with me. I'm going to double check on that with my Uncle Robert when I get a chance to talk to him. He caught me at the mailbox last week and I told him that I'm type II diabetic. Just knowing when and how mom got through being diabetic will help me, I'm sure. I remember watching her take shots twice a day and checking her sugar twice a day. I remember watching my Aunt Dot (my mom's best friend) do the same thing. I don't want to end up having more problems because of this disease and I do want to have children some day. I want to get it under control, along with my high blood pressure and my weight. My sister told me that blood pressure problems, spider veins on the legs, and heart problems run on my dad's side of the family. Ulcers, heart problems, asthma and diabetes are on mom's side. Plus, I'm still mildly anemic.

I want to get in better health so I can donate blood. I found out the first time I tried to donate that I have a rare blood type. I can't remember if it's AB neg or AB pos, but it's one of the two. I'll have to check with my sister and see what she has and what my dad had. I can't remember if the kid's supposed to have mom's blood type or dad's. That show's how much I payed attention in class, doesn't it?

I told my boss this week about my diabetes and what I'm going through. Hopefully, less stress will follow after Monday's over. We publish our Profile section - which comes once a year - on Tuesday. I know God has better things in store for me. I only hope that things will work out soon so I can find a job I'm more suited for. I want to write! And if I have to move to make that dream a reality, I'll do it! I just finished reading a really wonderful book on this kind of topic - The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It has really helped me to think about my dreams and hope that I can work toward them. I can't give up my dreams because I'm at a stand still. I have to do something about them or they'll never come true! If you haven't read this book and you're looking for some way to get back on the path, I'd recommend this book! It's really simple and it does have some religious/spiritual parts to it. I'm definitely going to re-read it before it has to go back to the library next week and when I get a chance, I'll definitely buy it! (Plus, it's my favorite guy's favorite book - Christian Kane!)

I'm trying to think of more interesting things to tell you guys, but I'm out of things to say. I hope all of you are doing well! I want to congratulate Carrie on getting a job after months of searching! This really shows how God works in our lives and answers the prayers of His children! I'll be trying to catch up on other blogs this weekend at work where I can look at pictures without killing my dialup.

Take care and God Bless!

Heroes live on through us

Two years ago last month, I lost one of my real life heroes. My real life hero wasn't a medical doctor, a pastor, a singer or an actor. He had a monotone voice when he spoke in class, but the days when he dressed up as Julius Caesar or Shakespeare were days you knew you should stay awake.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my college education, but with a great adviser, came a great mentor and a father figure who was always there to lend a hand any way he could. My days at LBW were the best because of the man who I've come to think of as my personal hero.

Mike "Doc" Daniel wasn't your typical adviser or history teacher. Doc was extraordinary - a wonderful professor to do work-study under and a mentor to every student could help. He might have gone to extremes to get the attention of his class and was too kind with extra credit movies for his Western Civ II classes.

As Doc's work-study, I learned that most geniuses have too much stuff for their offices. i learned that being shy was not a good quality if I wanted to be a lawyer, which prompted me to shift my degree to journalism. I know I learned more from Doc than from any of my other teachers because he was such an exceptional mentor. His dry humor, costumes, and goofy grin will always be missed by his students and those who came to know him so well.

There are no words to really say all that Doc was, so I'll just talk about two of my favorite "Doc moments."

I was part of Circle K when I was at LBW. There were only a few of us, but I was always at every meeting. On awards night, just before graduation, Doc asked me to be there and "dress nice." Of course, I had no idea what was going on. That night, I received a plaque for Outstanding Member of Circle K. I'd never really received recognition for anything - unless you count third grade when I got first place and $25 for a poster contest. What made the award even more special was the fact that Doc was the one who presented it to me. I'm glad that I have that memory and photos of that night along with graduation.

My two years at LBW were the best. I made it through the required courses and some amazing classes that I'll never forget. Doc's Ethics and Government classes were definitely among those. Even through the loss of my uncle and having my heart broken, I had the best times of my life at LBW.

My second favorite Doc moment was when I'd been told to interview someone for one of my journalism classes at Troy (State) University. Doc was my first choice. I couldn't tell you what the class was (probably interviewing) or who the professor was (probably Dr. Padgett or Mr. Spurlock), but I remember the conversation with Doc.

We sat down in his cluttered office with a tape recorder, pad and pencil. I had ten questions to ask - mostly centered on his schooling and degrees. I'll never forget my "bomb" question because I had to keep a straight face when I asked him. My last question was out there. I asked if he'd ever been propositioned by a student and if he'd ever gone beyond the student/teacher relationship with any of them.

I'll always cherish the memory of that interview - learning all the things I'd never asked Doc when I was his work-study. And I'll always fondly remember Doc for putting me on the path to being a writer/journalist.

I have so many more reasons for why Doc is my real life hero. Doc never failed to give of his time or even his money when it was really needed. He was one of those rare people who always considered others before himself. For that, and for always being a pleasure to work for, Doc is my hero.

I know so few of us recognize those who have touched our lives while they're here to taid us in our trials and tribulations. I know this is so true for me. We get so busy with our lives and work that we forget to send messages to those we care about and those who have touched our hearts. I regret not keeping in touch with Doc as I should have, but life just got in the way and then I ran out of tomorrows to chat with him.

Tell your real life heroes that you admire them and thank them for touching your life. You never know when that next tomorrow might never come.

An update on me

In my last post I didn't know anything specific because I hadn't been to the doctor yet.

So here's what's going on with me. I knew I had a kidney infection, which the doctor confirmed and thankfully through the antibiotics I'm all well on that point. My mother had diabetes and had to be on insulin shots, so I knew I was at risk to have diabetes as well. I've just been waiting for the shoe to drop on it - well Thursday the doctor had the nurse check my glucose levels - and it was bad. Not as bad as it could have been, but still enough to diagnose me with Type II diabetes. I know I can deal with this, but it's been very hard. With being sick while the kidney infection was knocked from my system, I didn't really eat much, but now I can't have bread or anything "sweet." Now, the sweets aren't too bad of a thing to say no to - I can have fruit. The bread on the other hand is VERY hard to give up. But it's only for a month until I have to go back and see how I'm doing. When she tested me my glucose level was around 300 - that's over twice what it should be after eating. Needless to say, I need to make some changes.

I'm on a pill, not a shot right now and I'm supposed to check my glucose level every other day. I checked it yesterday and it was down to 264, which is better. Let's hope it keeps dropping! The doctor gave me samples of the pill I am taking and a prescription for another pill for 3 months. I'm hoping that what she told me about the prescription will help me lose some weight - I'm seriously in need of losing over 100 lbs at this point.

I know I don't want to have to go on the shots of insulin and that I do want to lose some weight and be healthier. But the stress of my job (which has gotten moreso lately because of my not feeling 100%) is not helping at all. Here's hoping that things turn around on that front. The doctor thinks most of what is happening with my health is stress related. And there's more stress to come this month - but after it's over things should get better for a little bit.

So, I still need you guys to keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through this. I have people that I know who deal with diabetes every day, so I have friends and family to talk to about it. But I know how much easier it would be if my mom were here to help me through this. And going through this makes me miss her more than I have in a very long time. But I know with the prayers and my faith in God, I can make it through.

Love you all!

Prayers needed

Hi guys. Personal post this time. I'm having a few personal problems - health problems and work issues that I need to decide about very soon. I'm asking you guys to lift me up and pray for me. I know what the power of prayer can do. I know that God listens to His children when they are humble before Him. I know I'll be getting down on my knees this week and asking Him for guidance in these decisions I need to make.

I hope all of you are doing well. I will be posting more Top 3 blogs soon!